“I wish we had a Miriam!”
The first time I officiated a wedding was in the fall of 2018 - you can read about how it came to pass in the About Me section on this very website! My second wedding was all thanks to that first one.
Dani and Sal’s wedding was a beautiful day - the weather couldn’t have been more autumnally perfect and their ceremony was full of music, loved ones, and rituals refurbished to suit them and the beginning of their marriage. As we headed into their reception, my heart was full from the experience of officiating for the first time. Writing and creating it was a joyous experience in and of itself. And then to then perform it in front of my friends and their friends and family was an absolute rush. It all happened so fast, and I wished I could do it all over again. Not because I wanted a second chance to get it right, but because it was so fun! Sort of like riding a roller coaster and wanting to get right back in line to go again.
During the cocktail hour, I was chatting with Dani’s friend Julia - I had met her several times before, and she had even done my hair earlier that morning! I think I already knew that she had recently gotten engaged to her partner George, who I knew as well. During our conversation, she discussed the highs and lows of planning her own wedding, in particular thinking about who would officiate. “You know, I wish we had a Miriam! I wish we had someone like you to officiate our wedding.” I paused for a moment and then said, “Julia, you do have someone like me. Me!” She had the most serious expression on her face when she responded, “Do you think Dani and Sal would mind?” I don’t remember exactly how I answered, but I know that later during the reception, Julia asked Dani outright if it would be okay if I also officiated her and George’s wedding, to which I’m pretty sure Dani responded by squealing with delight. Julia told me she would discuss it with her fiancé and be in touch. It didn’t take long for the message to arrive asking if I would also officiate their wedding a few months later, and of course I said yes!
Working with Julia and George made me realize that there are people who simply haven’t attended many weddings at all. Even before I became an officiant, I had attended so many weddings. My father is the oldest of four brothers and I had been to all of my uncles’ weddings. I had been to cousins’ weddings, friends’ weddings, I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding, etc etc. It was clear in my early conversations with Julia and George that they were blank slates as far as weddings go. Which made it all the more fun to plan theirs, and have it be uniquely their own. Julia knew she wanted to include a Chinese tea ceremony to honor her family. George was inspired by his parents, whose wedding was held at a Quaker meeting house. And they both wanted to find ways to include as many of their loved ones as possible. One way they did so was by choosing a poem, “A Blessing for Wedding” by Jane Hirshfield, and having guests each read one line out loud. It took careful planning, making sure each person knew which line to read and what order to read it in! It was moving to incorporate so many of their family members and friends in the moment.
Without Dani and Sal entrusting me to officiate their wedding, I might never have officiated Julia and George’s! And without the four of them, I might never have discovered my calling as an officiant. I learned so much from both of those ceremonies that I continue in my work today, and I will be forever grateful to Dani, Sal, Julia, and George for kickstarting Milestones by Miri.
Go with your gut
If I learned anything about planning weddings from my own nuptials, it’s this: go with your gut. My wife and I were engaged in the fall of 2018, and we started planning our wedding the following spring. In the summer of 2019, we booked our venue, photographer, and DJ for August 2020, and even secured the necessary hotel room block for our 150+ guests. But you saw our chosen wedding date, you know where this story is going. Yes, that’s right, we ended up postponing a year due to the covid pandemic!
A year after we postponed, we realized that neither of us was particularly excited about our wedding anymore. We were most concerned for the health of our loved ones, as the venue we had chosen would’ve required all of our guests to travel for the celebration. Remember “super spreader events?” We didn’t want our wedding to be one of those, even as vaccines were becoming more available. So, we listened to our intuitions and canceled the wedding. As I wrote in our “Un-Save the Date” email to our family and friends, “We’re canceling the wedding, not the marriage!” Our venue refunded our deposit, we canceled our room block, but we asked our photographer for her available for the next few months. We knew we wanted to do something, we didn’t know exactly what, but we knew we wanted her to capture it. So, we picked the latest date she gave us - May 30, 2021 - and started planning.
A few weeks before our new wedding date, we received a package from my grandfather’s cousin. Despite being uninvited, many of our loved ones continued to send wedding gifts, so this wasn’t out of the blue. The gift she sent was a simple one, but more meaningful than almost any gift I had ever received. It was a silver picture frame with a hinge in the middle, so you could have two pictures next to each other. On the right was a picture of my great-grandparents, Anna and Bill. And on the left was their wedding invitation. They were married on May 30, 1899 - one hundred and twenty two years before our wedding. It was as if the universe was reassuring us that we had made the right decision. It filled my heart to know that Joan and I would share our anniversary with my beloved ancestors. Of course, the framed photo and invitation came with us on our newly chosen wedding day!
Whether you pick up weird vibes from a florist or don’t feel right in the most stylish suit or dress, go with your gut while planning your wedding day. Or any life cycle event for that matter! Ultimately, you want to look back fondly on your special day, not wishing you had chosen a different venue or not invited a certain someone. If someone offers you advice, it doesn’t mean you’re required to take it! It sounds corny, but it’s true: trust yourself, follow your heart, and go with your gut.
Looking back and ahead
As summer draws to a close and autumn is waiting just around the corner, I find myself thinking about this season and the seasons ahead. As usual, summer seems to fly by way too quickly for anyone’s liking: students don’t want to return to school, seasonal workers aren’t ready for life to slow down significantly, and folks who prefer heat to chill have zero desire to get their sweaters out of storage. I personally feel conflicted. This summer has been lovely, full of celebrations and tough days aplenty, but I’m ready to move on. Frankly, I love fall. I love a scarf, a warm beverage, and the foliage turning! But before I get ahead of myself, I’d like to brag for a moment.
This site is dedicated to the business of weddings, but it recently occurred to me that half the weddings I’ve performed so far have been for friends. And nothing makes me feel so seen and loved as my friends asking me to officiate their weddings. These wonderful people know what I’m capable of and want me to craft their wedding ceremony and perform it in front of all their loved ones! I continue to find it baffling and humbling, and I’m so grateful. At my tenth wedding this past June, I married Sophie, my childhood best friend, to Sheranda, her sweetheart. Sophie’s mom and my mom went to high school together and have stayed close ever since. So for the first time, my immediate family were all in attendance to see me officiate a wedding! It was already the honor of a lifetime to officiate this wedding, but having my family there meant the world to me.
Looking ahead, I’ve already got three weddings on my calendar for 2025 - all of them Button Weddings at the Boylston Rooms in Easthampton, Massachusetts. I’m positively elated that my work as a personal and professional officiant has led to me to this partnership with the Boylston Rooms! I’ve also had some inquiries via my Contact page, which is unbelievably flattering. Soon, I’ll have done more weddings as a professional officiant than as a friend officiant, and that’s mind boggling. However, I hope to maintain a solid balance and marry some more friends soon!
Something else I’ve been thinking about lately is what other milestones might I help people celebrate. A few months ago, I had an illuminating conversation with a wonderful rabbi. When I told her how much I love officiating weddings, she responded, “Weddings are nice, but I actually prefer funerals.” I was immediately intrigued and asked her why. Her simple explanation was there is usually less drama involved in a funeral (fair!), but she also finds funerals to be more spiritually interesting. And I thought, “I’d officiate a funeral if someone asked me.” What about a baby naming? And while vow renewals are obviously related to weddings, I’ve never done one! So, if you’re reading this post and not getting married anytime soon, maybe there’s another event I could be a part of in your life! I hope you’ll be in touch and let me know.
I have high hopes and many fears for the next few months (if you’re a U.S. citizen, have you checked your voter registration??), and I’m thrilled to have ceremonies to write in the meantime. Perhaps I’ll write yours someday!
Reflections on a busy summer
We are a solid week into autumn, and so I finally feel like I can properly sit down and think about this past summer. It was a record for me, with four weddings between June and September! I am exceedingly proud of each one for very different reasons, particularly since this summer was a tumultuous one for me personally and professionally.
First and foremost, I must thank Sara & Drew, Haley & Zach, Dorrie & Rob, and Maggie & Sam - my summer ‘23 couples! I learned so much from each of you and your celebrations, and I will treasure the memories of our planning sessions as well as your ceremonies themselves forever.
Second, here’s what I mean by that tumultuous summer: in late June 2023, I was laid off. Like many millennials, I had a day job in addition to attempting to turn the thing I’m actually passionate about into a professional gig. I had only been working at that job for just over a year, but it had been a challenging time, to say the least. Without going into too much detail, I constantly felt overwhelmed and under prepared, and felt more intense imposter syndrome than ever before. Ironically, I had been recruited for this job; clearly, someone thought I was qualified for the position! Other than my own strange intuition - I often joke I’m a little bit psychic - I had no inkling that a layoff was in the works, and I happen to know I was the only person in the office to be let go.
Within a few weeks of unemployment, it was apparent to me that I had been deluding myself over the course of that year. That office environment had been draining me of precious energy and making me question my own self worth. Once out of that toxic cloud of nonsense, I could breathe easier and focus on what I was genuinely excited about: my bespoke wedding creations! It was a gift to be given time in addition to evenings and weekends to focus on this sweet and special work. I think the two weddings I performed at the end of the summer were of particular significance, since it was tangible proof that I had moved past that frustrating experience and into something brighter and better for me.
The highlights:
In early June, I officiated the wedding of Sara & Drew, who I first met in the fall of 2008 in my college dorm. And the wedding took place in the chapel on our college campus! A dream venue come true for me.
In mid-June, I flew to Colorado to officiate the elopement of Haley, one of my high school besties, and Zach, her beloved beau. Due to wild schedules and missed calls and other life wackiness, I wrote their ceremony the day before the actual wedding! If I may say so, I think it turned out perfectly.
Some back story: I’ve been tap dancing on and off since I was three years old. In the spring of 2021, a local to me dance studio offered tap class via Zoom, and I leapt at the opportunity. When the class moved back to in-person, I followed. This past winter, Dorrie, our fabulous instructor was describing the stresses of wedding planning. I jokingly offered my services as an officiant, and I’ll never forget the wide-eyed glance she gave me which clearly translated to: “Umm, actually…” She and Rob, her future husband, hired me shortly thereafter, and it was a privilege to help them prepare for their glorious wedding day.
And finally, late September featured my smallest wedding yet: the couple was Sam and Maggie, and their guests were two their dearest friends. Including me and Sage, their photographer, there were only six people in attendance! They say big things come in small packages: I say tiny weddings can be full of giant love!
This summer showed me that I can provide all sorts of experiences to all types of folks. Whether it’s a family-only elopement or a massive celebration for all your loved ones, I’m certain I can help couples find that balance between intimacy and performance that can make a wedding ceremony positively memorable.
I am endlessly grateful to these four couples, as well as my first four couples - shoutout to Dani & Sal, Julia & George, Torey & LB, and Allison & Gerald - for giving me these opportunities to shine and shine lights on each of you and your love stories.
As of today, I’ve already got one wedding on the docket for 2024. But that means my calendar is in need of more! Who will I marry next? I look forward to finding out!
Introductions and Intentions
Greetings, gentle reader! I want to use this space to tell you a bit more about myself as well as why I wanted to create this page in the first place.
While I am merely ordained by the powers of the internet via the Universal Life Church, I do have a background in religious studies. I was raised as a Reform Jew, attending Hebrew school as well as a secular Jewish 6th-12th grade school. My parents were not traditional by any means, but they encouraged us to question everything and do good for others without expectation of a reward. In my opinion, those are the two most basic tenants of Judaism, and I do my best to live up to them daily.
I earned my Bachelors degree from Mount Holyoke College in Religion and Gender Studies, which was so much fun. I mean it! I took some fascinating classes with brilliant professors, and look back fondly on much of the research I was able to do as a student. I especially loved when my major and minor collided, such as in the Feminist Theologies class I took junior year, where we delved into the writings of Judith Plaskow, Mary Daly, Alice Walker, and more.
My experiences as a Reform Jew and as a student of a variety of faiths pushed me to embrace all sorts of spiritual possibilities. While my primary expertise is in Judaism, I’ve also studied Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and much more. I’m fascinated by pagan and Wiccan traditions, and I often find myself feeling particularly “spiritual” (whatever that means!) whenever I spend time in nature.
My spouse no longer identifies with the religion she grew up in, so I was mostly inspired by Judaism to craft our wedding ceremony, as well as some of our favorite writers and poets. I also wanted everyone in attendance to feel they were a part of the ceremony, and not just witnesses. I was very much inspired by Quaker traditions, where there is no one leader at the service.
All of this to say, if you’re looking for an officiant who is openminded, thoughtful, and curious, I might be exactly who you’re looking for! If you have a religious background of any sort, but no real relationship with a religious figure like a priest or rabbi, I’d be happy to help you infuse your heritage into your ceremony. If you have absolutely no connection to spirituality or faith, let me guide you through some possibilities for a wedding ceremony that will feel personal and meaningful. I can’t wait to hear from you!