“I wish we had a Miriam!”
The first time I officiated a wedding was in the fall of 2018 - you can read about how it came to pass in the About Me section on this very website! My second wedding was all thanks to that first one.
Dani and Sal’s wedding was a beautiful day - the weather couldn’t have been more autumnally perfect and their ceremony was full of music, loved ones, and rituals refurbished to suit them and the beginning of their marriage. As we headed into their reception, my heart was full from the experience of officiating for the first time. Writing and creating it was a joyous experience in and of itself. And then to then perform it in front of my friends and their friends and family was an absolute rush. It all happened so fast, and I wished I could do it all over again. Not because I wanted a second chance to get it right, but because it was so fun! Sort of like riding a roller coaster and wanting to get right back in line to go again.
During the cocktail hour, I was chatting with Dani’s friend Julia - I had met her several times before, and she had even done my hair earlier that morning! I think I already knew that she had recently gotten engaged to her partner George, who I knew as well. During our conversation, she discussed the highs and lows of planning her own wedding, in particular thinking about who would officiate. “You know, I wish we had a Miriam! I wish we had someone like you to officiate our wedding.” I paused for a moment and then said, “Julia, you do have someone like me. Me!” She had the most serious expression on her face when she responded, “Do you think Dani and Sal would mind?” I don’t remember exactly how I answered, but I know that later during the reception, Julia asked Dani outright if it would be okay if I also officiated her and George’s wedding, to which I’m pretty sure Dani responded by squealing with delight. Julia told me she would discuss it with her fiancé and be in touch. It didn’t take long for the message to arrive asking if I would also officiate their wedding a few months later, and of course I said yes!
Working with Julia and George made me realize that there are people who simply haven’t attended many weddings at all. Even before I became an officiant, I had attended so many weddings. My father is the oldest of four brothers and I had been to all of my uncles’ weddings. I had been to cousins’ weddings, friends’ weddings, I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding, etc etc. It was clear in my early conversations with Julia and George that they were blank slates as far as weddings go. Which made it all the more fun to plan theirs, and have it be uniquely their own. Julia knew she wanted to include a Chinese tea ceremony to honor her family. George was inspired by his parents, whose wedding was held at a Quaker meeting house. And they both wanted to find ways to include as many of their loved ones as possible. One way they did so was by choosing a poem, “A Blessing for Wedding” by Jane Hirshfield, and having guests each read one line out loud. It took careful planning, making sure each person knew which line to read and what order to read it in! It was moving to incorporate so many of their family members and friends in the moment.
Without Dani and Sal entrusting me to officiate their wedding, I might never have officiated Julia and George’s! And without the four of them, I might never have discovered my calling as an officiant. I learned so much from both of those ceremonies that I continue in my work today, and I will be forever grateful to Dani, Sal, Julia, and George for kickstarting Milestones by Miri.
